


Best Laid Plans

by Continually_Concerning



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Science I didn't feel like coming up with a real explanation for, Secrets, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-12
Updated: 2020-09-20
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:41:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25226965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Continually_Concerning/pseuds/Continually_Concerning
Summary: Lena couldn't bring herself to kill Lex. She couldn't bring herself to hate Kara. The one thing she could do was keep her child safe.
Relationships: Alex Danvers/Kelly Olsen, Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Comments: 68
Kudos: 257





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Canon compliant up until the Kaznia episode. This is the first fic I am actually posting, so I'm excited.

It had only happened once, but as they say, once is enough. This kind of thing wasn’t supposed to happen to Lena. She had always been careful. Don’t get too involved, and use protection were things she reminded herself of in every romantic encounter she had. She had done everything she could to avoid getting knocked up or heartbroken, and now she was both.

She had tried to be careful with Kara, but she couldn’t. Every wall she put up seemed to crumble in the presence of that kind, intelligent, and dorky woman. Something about her made her feel safe and almost whole. How could she have been careful when Kara was so openhearted? It was the best relationship she had ever had with anyone. Though there was a feeling that Kara brought out in her that she couldn’t quite put her finger on. Well, not until Kaznia. 

//

_Lena stood with her back to Kara, unable to look her in the eye while speaking of Eve Tessmacher’s betrayal and how much Kara’s friendship meant._

_“I will always be here for you,” Kara said._

_Lena turned to look at her. There Kara stood with her slightly awkward posture, the little crinkle of concern between her eyebrows, and those kind, earnest blue eyes. Lena was suddenly frozen in place. The feeling that had gone nameless since the moment she met Kara suddenly had a word, wanting. Not just wanting, love. She was in love with Kara. All she wanted to do at that moment was kiss the amazing woman in front of her. But Lena didn’t move, she couldn’t move. She just stood there, eyes locked with Kara’s. She wondered if Kara had any idea of the overwhelming pull between the two of them. They seemed to stand there for eternity simply staring. Kara moved first, one step then there was a hand cupping Lena’s cheek, a thumb wiping away a rouge tear, and an arm encircling her waist. The solid, safe feeling of Kara’s hands on her almost overwhelmed Lena._

_“May I kiss you?” Kara asked, barely above a whisper._

_Lena could find no words and simply nodded. Kara’s lips touched hers, soft yet passionate. Lena felt as if she was being warmed by the sun. It spread from her chest and down her limbs. Her body thawed and she moved again. They both moved and one kiss became another and another. Amidst permission asked and granted, touches given and received, they found themselves on the floor about to do something neither of them had considered before that moment. Each was missing her jacket and with shirts unbuttoned and untucked._

_“Wait…” Kara said as Lena began to undo her own belt._

_Lena stiffened, terrified she had overstepped, “What is it?”._

_“I have to tell you something,” Kara paused, adjusting her inexplicably still in place glasses, “I… I’m… well, I’m not exactly… human. I’m an alien. I’m…”_

_Lena watched Kara pull back and stare at her hands, she looked so small and so ashamed. It made perfect sense, there was no earthly explanation for how wonderful Kara was. Perhaps she should have been angry, but she wasn’t._

_“I should have told you before, I’m sorry. I couldn’t do this with you if you didn’t know and-and … that’s not the only thing I haven’t -“ Kara stammered._

_Lena leaned forward and put her forehead against Kara’s, “Darling, it’s alright. I just want to be here with you right now. Anything else can wait.”_

_“Are you sure?” Kara asked._

_“Absolutely. Are you okay?”_

_Kara nodded and they went on._

//

Since that night everything in Lena’s life had disintegrated. Her brother had almost convinced the world he was a hero, almost killed Supergirl, and Lena had almost, almost defeated him. She had him on the other end of a pistol, but she couldn’t pull the trigger. She could have saved her friends, the world, and herself if she’d just had the courage. The gun shook in her hand, Lex laughed in her face and called her a coward and a fool. She lowered her arm, crying out of fear and frustration. Lex got a devious look in his eye, if she couldn’t destroy him, he would destroy her. With two sentences Lena’s world changed forever. Kara Danvers is Supergirl. She used you and played you for a fool. Lex escaped with a touch of his transmat watch, leaving Lena sitting on the floor of the treehouse weeping and boiling with rage.

In the weeks that followed, the fury froze over into a cold, calculated hatred. She became a woman with a single-minded plan; destroy Supergirl. The plan lasted for a few weeks before it was leveled by two blows. The first, Kara’s confession at the Pulitzer party. Those blue eyes with a look of complete sincerity as Kara told her all she meant to do was protect Lena. She wanted to disbelieve her, but Kara was the sun and melted the first layer of her hate and hurt. That alone changed the plan, made it more cunning, quieter.

Then the realization that she was carrying Kara’s child blew her plan to smithereens. She admonished herself for not seeing it sooner. She had missed two periods and had been exhausted and nauseous for weeks before she fainted. Her assistant Jess took her to the ER. At first, she didn’t believe it, then she scolded herself for having sex with an alien without considering protection at all. But how could she have known that an alien could impregnate her in the first place, much less one who had at least the same external equipment as she did? It didn’t make any sense, but it was the only possibility.

In the basement of L-corp with an ultrasound machine and all of Lex’s research on Kryptonians, she confirmed that the fetus was half human and half Kryptonian. From the moment she saw the blurry image she loved it completely. She didn’t want to love it, didn’t want to want it, but suddenly something the size of her thumb owned her whole heart. It was the child of the woman who, against her better judgment, she still loved. It was the result of one of her last good nights before her world came crashing down. The tiny human-alien hybrid melted her final layer of hatred and left her warm from the inside out. She had a new priority, she needed a new plan. She would be careful this time.


	2. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who read the first chapter and left comments or kudos! I really appreciate it. Hope you enjoy this chapter. Expect another update sometime between now and next Sunday.

Lena sat in her office, sipping a glass of water that she wished was scotch and trying to get a handle on her new reality. There had been no sign of Lex, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t up tho something. In fact, it was almost proof that he was. The DEO was supposed to be handling Lex, but they had no leads. She kicked herself for the millionth time for not killing him when she had the chance. She knew her child would never be safe as long as Lex walked the earth. Lex loved her, but his hatred for Kryptonians would always outweigh anything else. It didn’t matter that the child would be a Luthor, in Lex’s eyes it would always be alien first. It was almost laughable to think of, her child, the apotheosis of  _ a super, and a Luthor _ . Lex could never know. He might try to kill the child, but that was not his style anymore. Most likely, he would use it the same way he used Red Daughter. The thought of Lex using the child as a weapon made her stomach drop. She knew what it meant to be one of his tools, and she would do anything and everything to prevent her child from that fate. Perhaps, she thought, she could simply fall off the face of the earth, find some remote place and live a normal life. But no, there was no normal for her, not anymore. She couldn’t disappear forever, but she could for a few months, that might be enough. She went through all the possibilities in her mind. She had at least four weeks before the pregnancy became obvious, six if she was lucky. She needed to be quick and thorough. Within a few minutes, the plan was narrowed down to three steps. 

One, find a place where Lex couldn't find her or track her and ensure the press knew nothing about her pregnancy or her location. 

Two, find someone to keep L-corp in check. 

Three, study everything of Lex's she had and stop whatever he was planning. 

Getting out of the country wouldn't be an issue, doing so undetected would be. Lex had always kept tabs on her, and with all the events surrounding the Luthor family, the media had recently gained a new interest in her. If she could ensure they looked in the wrong place she just might be able to stay hidden. The interim head of L-corp would have to be willing to run interference with the board. She hoped Sam would be able to handle the company for her. Though Sam had another job, perhaps she would be able to be in an advisory position. Sam was the only person in her life that she could still trust. Lex was a different problem, Lena had access to some of his research, but not all. He always hid things from her, there had to be a way for her to access everything, or at least everything she needed. Her phone buzzed, pulling her from her thoughts. Picking it up, she saw a new text.

Kara: Are we still on for lunch today? 

She dropped her phone on the desk and put her head in her hands. What on earth was she going to do about Kara? They had barely spoken in the week since the Pulitzer party and had never discussed the events on the plane from Kaznia. She hadn't realized before that moment that Kara would be the biggest impediment to getting away undetected. She knew Kara wanted to talk. If Lena opened that door they would keep talking. Kara would ask where she was, try to come to visit her, and keep her connected to a life she could no longer have. If she kept that door closed she might be able to slip away and just let their friendship become something of the past, no matter how much it hurt. Lena wanted to talk too, but she didn’t think she could face her. Now that the hate was gone, all of her feelings were crawling out of their boxes and assaulting her from all angles. Hate was easy, it was cold, hate could make plans. Now, she was furious. But with that came grief and desolation and love. It was too much. Everything felt or ever had felt for Kara was converging and threatening to drown her. There was no way she would be able to sit across the table from Kara and act like everything was alright. She didn’t know whether she wanted to scream in her face or fall into her arms. She didn’t even know if she should tell Kara about the baby. Maybe Kara had a right to know, not maybe, she did. Part of Lena wanted to tell her. She wanted the thousand-watt Kara smile that warmed her to her core. Most of all, she wanted not to be alone. In Lena’s fantasy Kara would be excited. They would figure something out, but that was the old Kara. The one who was just a person, just Lena’s friend, not the liar who didn’t trust her. This new Kara, Supergirl Kara, Lena knew nothing about her. How would she react? Did she even know that the two of them conceiving was biologically possible? Would she call Lena a liar? Did she want kids? Would she try to take the baby away from her? There were too many questions, too many unknowns, and too many feelings. She couldn’t deal with unknowns at that moment. There was no room in her plans for anyone’s feelings, not hers, and not Kara’s. The only thing to do was say nothing about the baby and delay any interaction. If Kara could keep a secret so could she. Sitting up straight in her chair, she reluctantly sent off a text backing out of lunch with Kara. She wanted her hate back. She wanted her desire for Kara gone. She chided herself for loving anyone, for thinking she could be loved. Shoving the fleeting image of them as a family aside, she put her feelings back in their boxes. Losing focus was not an option. She would get her plan in order, she would see her child safe, and then finish what she started. She would destroy Lex. 


	3. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! Sorry I'm so late with my update. You will not have to wait so long for the chapter after this one. Thanks for reading!

Six months later

As far as anyone knew Lena was in Switzerland working on a new energy source. Instead, she was living in a small house outside of Dublin. It turned out to be an excellent hideout. She had managed to go unidentified with the help of a pseudonym, a hair cut, and yes, a pair of glasses. Every person she met in the past six months knew her as Julia, though that was only about a dozen people. The most important of these was Dr. Amy Fitzgerald, a researcher who specialized in the biology of human-alien hybrids. She was the only person who knew the truth of the baby’s species, and she was Lena's reason for choosing Dublin. Well, at least the reason she told herself. When she decided to leave National City, the first place she thought of was Ireland. She pretended that it didn’t matter that it was her birth mother’s homeland and her own, but Ireland felt like home. Amy had been a godsend. At first, Lena came to her as a patient but quickly they developed a research partnership and the closest thing to a friendship that Lena could handle. Amy had been delighted to read through all the Kryptonian research Lena brought. Amy was instrumental in navigating the pregnancy. As far as the two could tell, the baby would be more or less human until it was exposed to sunlight. Which, was a great relief to Lena. She hoped the child would develop powers slowly or possibly not at all. They had sequenced its genome. Though, without knowing what gene caused the Kryptonian reaction to a yellow sun they could only tell that the baby was free of any human genetic diseases. The baby was healthy and weirdly perfect. She had half expected it to be deformed or something monstrous. Somehow this creature that shouldn't even exist was perfect.

Lena returned home from her latest appointment with Amy with a new 3D ultrasound picture in her hand. The picture was a close up of the baby’s face. She couldn’t believe how beautiful it was. She knew, logically, that it was only beautiful because it was her baby. But either way, she was transfixed. She wondered if it was her imagination, but she could have sworn that the baby had Kara’s nose. She tore her eyes away, hoping if she looked away she might not have to feel anything. She pulled off the oversized gray hoodie that had been her everyday wear for close to three months and hung it up on the hook by the door. She walked over to her desk and gently laid the photo down and picked up her laptop. Briefly, she considered sitting at the desk, but the couch to called to her. At 35 weeks, she was uncomfortable all the time. She sunk into the cushions, enjoying a half-second of weightlessness. She opened her laptop. Three new notifications dinged as soon as the computer booted up. She liked that three emails had become a busy day for her. At L-corp, she usually got something closer to thirty. Of course, when using a burner cell and a laptop with four layers of encryption for all communication, one tends to be hard to reach. 

One notification was a possible Lex lead. She had connected to a satellite system and had it alert her to any energy signature matching the transmat watch or any out of the ordinary energy readings. She didn’t get excited as she would have before. There had been fifteen such energy readings in the past month, but all of them were dead ends. New anger towards Lex rose. He was just as careful as she was. He was going to be damn hard to find. She was having better luck with going through his old research. She might not be able to track him, but it was just possible that she could predict his plan. 

The second was an adoption inquiry. There were days when she just couldn’t bear to think about it. No matter how many ways she looked at the situation there was no way she could keep the baby. There simply wasn't a way for it to have any connection with her and be safe from Lex. She shouldn’t have been surprised. She always seemed to lose what was good in her life. She hated herself for wanting to keep it and she hated herself for not being able to. Perhaps it was better. The child could live a life free of the Luthor connection. While it couldn’t be free of its Kryptonian genetics and the powers that came with that, it could be free of expectations. At least until its powers manifested, it might be a gift, to have something like a normal life, even if it meant a life without either biological mother. The baby started to wiggle, as it generally did when Lena sat still for any length of time. Pulled from her thoughts, she put her hand on her belly, “It’s alright, little one. I got you”. She whispered. She did this largely to comfort herself but reasoned that the baby could hear her. She ignored the adoption email. She had interviewed three potential families. Each was nice enough, but every time she left feeling unsettled and guilty. She knew why, though she didn't want to admit it.  It was Kara. It was always Kara. The thought in the back of her mind like she had forgotten to turn the stove off. Kara was everywhere. In her research, in her dreams, and in her inbox. 

The third notification was an email from Kara. She had considered breaking contact completely with all her friends in National City, but she couldn't. She wasn't that strong. She and Kara had spoken occasionally since she left. Over six months they had exchanged exactly 54 text messages, eleven emails, seven phone calls, and two video chats. It was too much and nowhere near enough. Lena reluctantly opened the email. It was the usual, just a few updates from National City. Kara was working on a new story, there was a new donut flavor at their favorite place, and Alex and Kelly had just moved in together. Lena was always impressed by Kara's writing skills. Even in a short email, she perfectly conveyed her energy and tone. Lena broke. It wasn't the cheerful email itself, but the simple sign off.  _ Love ya! -Kara.  _ In an instant, she was sobbing so hard that she couldn't read the screen. After everything, their relationship had become tense and awkward. They were both too careful with each other, too polite. There were no mentions of Supergirl, no dissection of the night they spent together, and no overt statements of affection. It had been so long since Lena felt loved. Even from thousands of miles away, Kara could break down Lena's walls with two words. Kara still loved her, somehow. The guilt came crashing in. She knew what she was doing was wrong. Not telling Kara about the baby was completely unfair. As complicated and strange and awkward as the baby made things, it was one of the best things that had ever happened to her. What kind of person was she if she would willfully deprive Kara of that? She wanted nothing more than to call Kara and tell her everything. Just for a moment, she allowed the long-repressed image of Kara holding their child out of its box. The baby kicked her in what she could only guess was her kidney and brought her back to reality. She couldn't tell her anything. She had to keep everyone safe, and safety meant silence. Even if it meant she was a bad person, she had one goal. She wiped the tears from her eyes and looked back at her emails. The energy signature and the adoption inquiry were still unopened. She had work to do. She decided she would read Kara's email one more time before clicking away. She needed just a few more moments of that warmth. Midway through the read, she got an idea that stopped her in her tracks. There was one way to make sure Kara and the baby had each other. It wouldn't be direct, and it had the potential of getting messy down the road, but it was the right thing. She opened a word doc and began writing out her new plan.


	4. Chapter Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everybody, here is chapter 4 aka your buddy CC tries to write dialogue. We'll all see how that goes. Let me know what you think.   
> Update on the update schedule: I think I'm going to move to posting every other week instead of every week because that's what seems to ve happening anyway. Though you may get chapter 5 within a week because it is already mostly written. Thanks so much for reading!

Lena stood outside Alex’s door in a shocking amount of pain, trying to work up the courage to knock. She had had the nerve for several foolish decisions that day. Surely, she could knock on a goddamn door. 

Nothing had gone to plan. She was supposed to call Alex. They should have had a calm meeting, in the daytime, with paperwork and negotiations. Instead, she was showing up unannounced and uninvited at 9:43 pm, completely panicked and already in labor. 

She should have paid more attention. If she had noticed that she was in labor earlier she could have avoided this. There were dozens of things she could have done better. She stopped herself. There was no more time for planning or regret. She knew she was doing right by her child. She had to swallow her pride and ask for help. When the contraction ended, she raised her hand and knocked. She hoped she would have a few minutes before another one hit. Explaining everything to Alex would be a lot and she needed to be able to speak and stand up straight to do it.

She squared her shoulders to look as composed as possible and tried to ignore her pounding heart. Luthors were calm under pressure. Despite looking the least Luthor she ever had in her big grey hoodie and holding a backpack against her chest, she still was one. She had to be calm and professional. After several seconds she heard the lock slide. The door opened revealing Alex dressed in sweats and looking sleepy.

“Lena?!” Alex looked suddenly wide awake, “I thought you were in Switzerland.” Alex looked her up and down, “What are you doing here? Are you okay? I’ve never seen you in a hoodie before.”

Lena smiled stiffly, “Umm… May- m-may I come in? I er, I know it’s late.” She stuttered, her panic quickly overriding any attempt of professionalism. 

“Sure, sure. Come in.” Alex waved Lena in though she looked slightly confused and wary. 

Lena stepped into the apartment and looked around. It had been a very long time since she had been there. With a movie playing on the TV and a blanket on the couch, the scene was warm and homey. 

Alex clicked off the TV and leaned against the wall with her arms crossed. “So, what's up? It must be something pretty urgent.” 

Lena tried to say something but had no idea how to start. She stuttered through a few syllables before another contraction hit. She braced herself against the wall. It had been less than three minutes. Everything was happening much faster than she anticipated. Alex stepped towards her, hostile air vanishing.

“Woah, Lena, you’re not okay. What’s going on?” Lena couldn’t speak, she just shook her head. The two of them stood there at an awkward stalemate for thirty seconds.

“Shit, Alex. I’m sorry. This was not the plan at all. Everything has gone completely sideways today.” She dropped the backpack, letting her belly come into full view.

“Oh my God!” Alex looked completely stunned. “Are you… I mean you’re-you’re pregnant!”

“Thank you for stating the obvious, Agent Danvers.”

“Don’t be pissy, you came to my apartment. You’re like in labor, aren’t you? Why did you come here? Shouldn’t you be at the hospital?” She sounded terrified.

“I’m sorry. When I realized that this was really happening this was the only place I thought to come.” Lena said though it wasn’t quite true. She thought of going to Kara first, she always did.

“Okay, okay. We’ll figure this out. Umm, why don’t you sit down? I’m gonna call Kelly. Let’s do that-that thing where we time contractions or something.” Alex pulled out her phone and began pacing.

“Oh my God, Alex. I thought you were a doctor.” Lena put her head in her hands and hoped there was some moment when doctors suddenly remember all their training and stop freaking out.

“We need to get you to the hospital. I’m going to call an ambulance. Where’s my phone?”

“It’s in your hand,” Lena started over to the couch but was stopped by another contraction. “I’m afraid it might be too late for that.”

“Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit. Okay, I’m gonna, I’m gonna-“

They heard keys in the lock, then Kelly stepped in, “Hey Al, sorry I’m back so late. I got a bit caught up- Lena! What’s going on?” She stood in the doorway looking into the apartment with an alarmed expression.

“Thank goodness you’re home!” Alex ran over to Kelly, “We have a situation.”

“I see that. What’s going on? Lena, are you okay?”

Lena, still amid a contraction and unable to speak shook her head no.

“So yeah, Lena is pregnant and she’s having a baby right now, here in our apartment” Alex resumed her pacing.

“Wow, okay. That’s a lot. Wait Alex hold still for a second,” She interrupted Alex’s pacing and put her hands on Alex’s shoulders. “You learned how to deliver a baby in medical school, right?”

Alex nodded.

“Okay. Just tell me what to do. You got this.”

“Okay, okay. I’m going to wash my hands and sterilize some scissors and get some towels. You stay with Lena. Thank you.” She kissed one of Kelly’s hands then went to the kitchen.

Kelly walked over to Lena who was still standing somewhat frozen with one arm braced against the wall. “How are you doing, sweetheart?”

Lena said nothing but grabbed Kelly’s hand. She didn't know what made her do it or why it was so comforting, but she was grateful. She saw the calming effect Kelly had on Alex but was surprised when she found a similar comfort. Kelly had a calm command of the situation that made Lena think, just for a moment, that everything might be alright. Kelly led her over to the couch, and the two of them sat down. 

Alex came back into the living room carrying seemingly all of the towels from the bathroom. She set them down on the table next to the couch, then headed towards the kitchen to look for scissors.

“Wait, Alex, can you stay here for a second, I need to talk to both of you.”

Alex paused by the couch, shifting from foot to foot. “Okay, what’s up?”

“Before this gets too intense for me to talk, I need to tell you why I’m here.” She tried to focus, tried to be calm enough to say what she needed. “I want you two to keep the baby.” Before either Alex or Kelly could respond Lena started frantically trying to explain.

“Lex is still out there and the only place the baby will be safe is with you. I’m sorry, I know I should have asked earlier and I'm doing this all wrong. But, Alex I know how good you are with kids and how devoted you are. The baby needs to be safe and it needs to be with you. I can take care of financial stuff. I just-” She was cut off by another contraction. 

"Hey, hey. We can talk about all this later." Kelly put her other hand on Lena's arm, "It seems like you've gotten to the 'too intense to talk' part. The three of us will be able to figure something out. Right now you just need to breathe. Can you do that for me?"

Lena nodded, squeezed Kelly's hand, and took a deep breath. 

//

All in all, it didn’t take that long. At 10:36 pm Lena heard the thin, frantic cries of her child. It was more painful and more terrifying than she had imagined. She hadn’t screamed, though she thought she remembered asking for Kara more than once. 

She heard Alex say "It's a girl."

Kelly put a hand on Lena’s shoulder, “You did a great job. Are you ready to hold her?”

_ Her _ . It echoed in Lena's head over and over. She had known the baby’s sex since they had done the genome sequencing, but having two X chromosomes and being someone with a personal pronoun were two different things. She wasn’t willing to open her eyes yet. She couldn’t bear to see it-no, her. She couldn't bear to touch her. Not when she knew she would have to leave her. The love had been powerful since the first ultrasound. The moment she heard that cry it became overwhelming. They were suddenly two separate people, she wasn’t part of Lena’s body anymore, she wasn’t something only Lena knew, she was a person. If Lena saw her or touched her she knew she would never be able to leave. She shook her head. No, she was not ready.

“Sweetheart, I’m going to have to let go of your hand so I can take the baby while Alex finishes up with you. Is that alright?”

Lena reluctantly released Kelly’s hand. She instantly missed the connection. 

Kelly took the still screaming baby from Alex and sat back down on the couch next to Lena.

“She’s beautiful, Lena. You hear her, she’s got some great lungs too. She’s right here next to you when you’re ready to see her.”

Kelly’s kindness broke Lena’s heart. She didn’t understand how or why someone would be so kind to her. Though it baffled her, it also confirmed once again that she made the right choice for her daughter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who guessed that Lena would decide to give the baby to Alex and Kelly? It is what Katie McGrath herself said Lena would do if she ended up with a half-Daximite baby. (SDCC 2017 panel discussion)


	5. Chapter Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What is up, my wonderful readers? Here it is, a new chapter only several weeks late. For some reason, I thought I could handle the new semester and actually sticking to an update schedule. Thank you to everyone who commented on the last chapter. I'm so glad so many of you are so invested in the story. There were so many thoughtful and interesting comments and I loved reading every single one. I hope you enjoy the chapter and as always, thank you for reading!

Alex’s hands shook as she sat at the kitchen island trying to write down the medical details of the birth. She couldn’t concentrate on them for more than a few seconds at a time. She couldn’t take her mind off the implications of everything that had happened in the past few hours. The three of them had had a conversation about custody of the baby. She thought it wasn’t a good idea to have the conversation so soon. Lena was clearly exhausted and had seemed barely able to keep her eyes open. Despite that, she had been extremely determined, so they discussed.

Lena explained that Lex was planning something. That the baby would only be safe with them. Lena was scared, more scared than Alex had ever seen. She’d be lying is she said that Lex didn’t scare her too. Lex was powerful and dangerous. He had managed to kill Kara. Even if it was only because he used Red Daughter and only for a few minutes. Sometimes, when Alex closed her eyes, she could still feel her ear against her sister’s chest and hear the horrible absence of a heartbeat. Lena knew better than anyone what Lex was capable of. Maybe she was right.

Though the fear of Lex wasn’t what made Alex’s hands shake. She was used to that kind of fear. She could handle bullets, poison, drowning, or alien weapons. Delivering a baby was the scariest thing she had ever done. It was made exponentially worse by knowing that she was expected to keep that baby afterward.

She didn’t know if they should take the baby. She was willing to do it, even wanted to. How could she take a child away from her mother? How would she be able to give her back when everything was safe? Lena insisted over and over again that it was the only option and it was forever. She was vehement, Alex would have believed her if Lena hadn’t started crying when Kelly asked, “But do you  _ want _ to keep her?”

The situation was messy and complicated. She thought they just might be able to handle it. The one thing she couldn’t get okay with was not telling Kara the truth. It was weird. Why would someone hide their baby from their best friend? It didn’t make any sense. She knew Lena was a private person, but this seemed beyond privacy. It made sense to keep the baby secret from the world, but not from Kara. She supposed it was Lena’s choice who she wanted to tell or not. The only person who really had a right to know was the father and Lena had said that wasn’t an issue. She was still unsure. She had watched Kara be eaten alive by secrets. Alex had managed to keep her job at the DEO from Kara for three years. She hadn’t quite been eaten alive, but it was hard.

She exhaled and put her head in her hands. It was complicated, so complicated. It was so messy, there were too many feelings. She felt a hand on her shoulder. She looked up and saw Kelly standing beside her with the baby in her arms.

“Lena is asleep. I got her to drink some water. She still won’t hold the baby, or even look at her. How are you doing?”

Kelly adjusted the baby and sat down in the chair next to Alex.

“I’m fine. I need a drink, but I’m fine. I just glad those two are okay. Is anything that just happened real? Honestly, if you weren’t sitting there holding a baby, I’d think this was all some messed stress dream.”

“Yeah, it’s been… a lot. Little bit here is pretty grounding if you want a turn.”

Looking down at the baby, she considered it for a moment. She hadn’t really held her yet. Almost the entirety of their two-hour acquaintance had involved medical evaluations or goo removal, which hadn’t left much time for cuddling. She looked comfortable, somewhere between waking and sleep in Kelly’s arms. She looked so tiny, almost unbelievably so.

“Jesus Christ Kelly, what are we going to do?”

“I don’t know, but I do know that we’ll figure something out. What are you thinking right now?”

“My head is in a million different places. I keep on thinking of all these reasons why it’s too complicated and why we shouldn’t do it. But how can we not take her? She’s so little and I don’t want Lex to hurt her, I don’t want anyone to hurt her. If I can protect her, I want to do that, but I can’t lie to Kara. I just can’t.” She realized she was beginning to ramble and took a deep breath, “What about you?”

“I’m thinking a lot of the same things. It is complicated in almost every way possible. She needs a family and a stable home. We can be that. I think this can be a good thing. Even if it is only until Lex is under control. As far as telling Kara about all this, we certainly aren’t done talking to Lena about all this.”

“Do you think she’d be willing to let us tell Kara? She seems dead set against it.”

“I think that we can figure something out. Custody is not a quick or easy thing to negotiate. I think for right now it would probably be best to tell her that we eventually will have to tell Kara, but we won’t until she’s ready. Is that something you can be okay with?”

“I don’t know, I don’t know,” Alex exhaled heavily and rubbed the back of her neck. “No, I do know, you’re right. Lena is in a bad place, and I don’t want to make it worse. I think I can be okay with waiting to tell Kara for a little while. But do you think we’re ready for this? Everything for us has been fast and intense. Is this too much too soon?”

“This is definitely a big step. Well, more than a big step. This might be forever. I know you’re ready to be a mom, and I am too. I’m not saying I’m not scared or worried. I absolutely am. I think we can do this. We were planning on having kids eventually. This is just a little sooner than planned.”

“You’re amazing. I don’t know what I would do without you? You’re just amazing.” Alex said, looking back up at Kelly.

She kissed Kelly on the forehead, then stroked the baby’s hand. The tiny fingers spread out like a starfish then closed around Alex’s finger.

“Hey, that’s not fair. You’re already too cute.” She looked back up at Kelly, “I can take her if you want to get some sleep. I don’t think I’ll be able to, and one of us should be something like rested.”

“That’s actually a good idea. I’m exhausted. But if you get too tired, wake me up. I know you’re exhausted too.”

She handed the baby to Alex. It was a little awkward to get the baby adjusted in Alex’s arms without making the baby let go of Alex’s finger. She kissed Alex and ran a finger along the baby’s cheek before heading over to the bed.

Alex stared down at the baby, red blotchy skin, half-open eyes that seemed to be blue, nearly black hair plastered against her tiny skull. She had no idea how such a little hand had such a strong grip. Though Alex knew the hold was just a reflex, but she felt a connection. She was falling in love. There was no way she could have said no.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love using the endnotes for nonsense. So I just learned that Katie McGrath is naturally blonde and has been dyeing her hair black/brown for about 15 years. I think that's kinda wild. Does she dye her eyebrows too? Is that something people do? Anyway, I think her hair looks amazing.  
> Tell me what you think (about the story or Katie's hair, whatever floats your goat).


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